Here I Go Again

I've never looked forward to my chemotherapy sessions but have not necessarily had adverse feelings about them either. Call it ambivalence or acceptance of what is required but I didn't mind my chemotherapy sessions until now. I am not looking forward to this Tuesday. I hesitate to use the word "dread" but it is probably appropriate.

The first chemotherapy session was quite a whirlwind. If you recall, I went rather unexpectedly two days earlier. But I was looking forward to getting started after so much time waiting after tests, labs, and diagnosis. I wanted these tumors out of me. I was fine going into round 2 because the first one had gone so well and I knew I could handle it. Then the issues in my mouth occurred but I was still optimistic going into round 3 because I got the medication and mouthwash to help with the major side effects I had been experiencing thus far.

But now I've realized the toll this is taking on my body. This last week was pretty tough. I am definitely feeling more fatigued. I have more trouble sleeping on top of it so I am tired because of that too. The last round of shots really made my bones ache - last night it was my femurs. And I lose my sense of taste for almost a week though I concede that the first 4 days or so I don't have much of an appetite anyways. I know this is necessary but I am to the point where I am ready to be done with it. I am actually surprised that I have done so well up to now and I suppose that is the blessing I should focus on tonight. I am truly blessed with every one's support.