The End and the Beginning

I was sitting in the doctor's office this morning reflecting upon the last year during the brief interlude between the nurse leaving and the doctor coming in to the room. I realized that I really do feel so much better now. Aside from the bottoms of my feet still tingling, I realize that I am pretty close to normal again. I can actually say that I have energy again and that the fatigue is gone. Here are a few of the things I was thinking during this pondering moment.

My sweet baby, toddler now really, has been such a blessing and motivation during treatment and recovery. However for most of her life she has not had a father of his usual demeanor and strength. Despite this she loves me still (and I might say best but don't want to offend Mom). It was 10 months ago, when Sophie really was my tiny baby of six months, that I began to feel the fatigue, fevers, and failing health. During the holiday season last year, but unbeknownst to us, my body was beginning the fight against cancer. It might actually go back further since the line separating the excitement and exhaustion of new parenthood and the symptoms of disease is somewhat blurred. Now approaching the coming holidays I feel strong, healthy, whole, happy, excited, blessed, emotional, grateful, and full of life. I could go on but I'll just say that life is great. I look forward to the great formative years to bond further with my girl.

It was 8 months ago that I finally listened to the advice of family, particularly my wife, that I went to the doctor and began some tests. Blood work led to the recommendation for a CT scan.

It was almost 7 months ago that I left the doctor's office reeling from the results of that CT scan showing a large mass in my chest, an emotional wreck wondering how to tell Tara that the next step was to see an oncologist. Such fear existed then but it was quickly replaced with a calm, full of faith and hope.

It was about 6 months ago that a PET/CT scan suggested and a biopsy confirmed the specific diagnosis of Hodgkin's lymphoma but the type of cancer was a welcome alternative to what could have been a more devastating condition.

It was 4 months ago that a second PET/CT scan showed that the cancer was gone and the tumors were shrinking. What welcome news it was to hear that the difficult treatments were having the desired outcomes. It certainly helped to face the rest of the process knowing that I was being cured.

It was 2 months ago that chemotherapy was finished. What a great day that was for me and my family. The poison that had killed the cancer but ravaged my body was going to slowly fade and I was able to enjoy a few weeks of normalcy and begin teaching again.

It was 1 week ago that I finished radiation therapy. That wasn't so bad but I won't miss the daily trips the clinic. It never got much worse than a little fatigue and a feeling that something was stuck in my throat.

It was 34 years ago that I entered this mortal body when it was my turn to join the family here on Earth. What a support you have all been to me through this trial, even with the distance between us. I am excited to visit this holiday season, a much different person than last year.

It was 10 years ago that my family began when I was joined to my wonderful wife Tara. We fought this battle together and though I may have the physical scars from it, we both have made triumphs together emotionally and spiritually.

It is for eternity that I will be with all of you loved ones that have been such a strength through this tough time in my life. You'll also have to put up with me in this life for a while longer it seems. Thank you everyone so much for everything that you have done to help me. My dear family and friends, you have truly carried us as angels sent from a loving father in heaven.

This will be my last regular post for a while since it is time to put this behind me. It is a big part of who I have become today but it is not something that will burden me any longer. In case you are interested, I will have another scan in January to make sure things are still looking good. Until then, thanks and best wishes.

I'm Done!

Yesterday I had my last radiation treatment. What a happy day! The side effects have not been too bad. They certainly don't compare to how bad chemotherapy was. The feeling of having something stuck in my throat is much more pronounced but I still would not say that it is painful. It certainly hasn't stopped me from eating and I had some popcorn just the other night. I have been quite tired the last few weeks but the fatigue should wear off in the next few weeks. After that I just have some follow-up appointments to see how things are going. Next week I will meet with my medical oncologist again and I should have a better idea of what tests will be done and how frequently they'll monitor things going on in my body. I also have to get my port taken out but that should be another same-day surgery. I am so glad we are about done with this. It can only get better from here.