The End and the Beginning

I was sitting in the doctor's office this morning reflecting upon the last year during the brief interlude between the nurse leaving and the doctor coming in to the room. I realized that I really do feel so much better now. Aside from the bottoms of my feet still tingling, I realize that I am pretty close to normal again. I can actually say that I have energy again and that the fatigue is gone. Here are a few of the things I was thinking during this pondering moment.

My sweet baby, toddler now really, has been such a blessing and motivation during treatment and recovery. However for most of her life she has not had a father of his usual demeanor and strength. Despite this she loves me still (and I might say best but don't want to offend Mom). It was 10 months ago, when Sophie really was my tiny baby of six months, that I began to feel the fatigue, fevers, and failing health. During the holiday season last year, but unbeknownst to us, my body was beginning the fight against cancer. It might actually go back further since the line separating the excitement and exhaustion of new parenthood and the symptoms of disease is somewhat blurred. Now approaching the coming holidays I feel strong, healthy, whole, happy, excited, blessed, emotional, grateful, and full of life. I could go on but I'll just say that life is great. I look forward to the great formative years to bond further with my girl.

It was 8 months ago that I finally listened to the advice of family, particularly my wife, that I went to the doctor and began some tests. Blood work led to the recommendation for a CT scan.

It was almost 7 months ago that I left the doctor's office reeling from the results of that CT scan showing a large mass in my chest, an emotional wreck wondering how to tell Tara that the next step was to see an oncologist. Such fear existed then but it was quickly replaced with a calm, full of faith and hope.

It was about 6 months ago that a PET/CT scan suggested and a biopsy confirmed the specific diagnosis of Hodgkin's lymphoma but the type of cancer was a welcome alternative to what could have been a more devastating condition.

It was 4 months ago that a second PET/CT scan showed that the cancer was gone and the tumors were shrinking. What welcome news it was to hear that the difficult treatments were having the desired outcomes. It certainly helped to face the rest of the process knowing that I was being cured.

It was 2 months ago that chemotherapy was finished. What a great day that was for me and my family. The poison that had killed the cancer but ravaged my body was going to slowly fade and I was able to enjoy a few weeks of normalcy and begin teaching again.

It was 1 week ago that I finished radiation therapy. That wasn't so bad but I won't miss the daily trips the clinic. It never got much worse than a little fatigue and a feeling that something was stuck in my throat.

It was 34 years ago that I entered this mortal body when it was my turn to join the family here on Earth. What a support you have all been to me through this trial, even with the distance between us. I am excited to visit this holiday season, a much different person than last year.

It was 10 years ago that my family began when I was joined to my wonderful wife Tara. We fought this battle together and though I may have the physical scars from it, we both have made triumphs together emotionally and spiritually.

It is for eternity that I will be with all of you loved ones that have been such a strength through this tough time in my life. You'll also have to put up with me in this life for a while longer it seems. Thank you everyone so much for everything that you have done to help me. My dear family and friends, you have truly carried us as angels sent from a loving father in heaven.

This will be my last regular post for a while since it is time to put this behind me. It is a big part of who I have become today but it is not something that will burden me any longer. In case you are interested, I will have another scan in January to make sure things are still looking good. Until then, thanks and best wishes.

I'm Done!

Yesterday I had my last radiation treatment. What a happy day! The side effects have not been too bad. They certainly don't compare to how bad chemotherapy was. The feeling of having something stuck in my throat is much more pronounced but I still would not say that it is painful. It certainly hasn't stopped me from eating and I had some popcorn just the other night. I have been quite tired the last few weeks but the fatigue should wear off in the next few weeks. After that I just have some follow-up appointments to see how things are going. Next week I will meet with my medical oncologist again and I should have a better idea of what tests will be done and how frequently they'll monitor things going on in my body. I also have to get my port taken out but that should be another same-day surgery. I am so glad we are about done with this. It can only get better from here.

Downhill or Uphill?

I am happy to report that I have now finished 10 of my 17 radiation treatments, a bit over halfway in case you need help with fractions. So in that respect you might think I am on the downhill slope now. However, the side effects are now starting to ramp up and are expected to last at least a week after my last treatment. In that sense I have an uphill stretch ahead of me.

Towards the end of last week I could tell my esophagus was beginning to feel the effects of radiation. It hasn't been painful yet but when I swallow it feels like something is stuck. The doctor said this was the first sign of fun things to come. So maybe he didn't use the word fun but he told me I could start taking ibuprofen to help with the inflammation. He also prescribed another type of mouthwash in case the type I already have doesn't work for me. The mouthwash I got during chemotherapy has lidocaine in it to numb things up before eating. This new prescription has hydrocortisone and tetracycline in it instead. Both mouthwashes have common ingredients of maalox, nystatin, and benadryl. Not sure why you need to know that but if you're interested feel free to do the research online yourself. After all, this is about me and how I am feeling.

Sunday afternoon I started to feel like I was getting sick with a normal sore throat but I haven't noticed any other symptoms with sinus issues or fever so the doctor thinks it could all be due to radiation. We'll see but I had a student come make up a test Friday in my office and she wasn't better yet - she kept hacking away, spreading germs in the air I am sure. I any case I have been very tired the last few days and suspect it is the fatigue that I was told to expect. I face this all with optimism because I know that in about 3 weeks I will be in the clear. Luckily this is not as bad as chemotherapy and I have been spared the nausea they said was possible. I'll keep you posted but we're getting closer to the end.

Hot Zone

Tuesday I entered a bomb shelter to continue my treatment regimen. The metal door was over a foot wide and is magnetically sealed after the techs leave the room. The process does not take very long and I do not feel a thing. I lay down on a slightly skinny table. They made a mold of my arm position a few weeks ago so I lay down on my personal pillow with my arms above my head while they strap my ankles together. The the table slides me under a radiation apparatus about the size of a truck tire that is secured by a C-arm above me. They use lasers from the ceiling and walls to line my tattoos up with my original positioning. Then, if that wasn't enough they take a standard x-ray of me to make sure I am properly aligned. Two arms are mechanically opened on either side to take the x-ray. After I am in the proper position the computer takes over an radiates me for 5 minutes. There are 9 angles in my treatment so the machine rotates almost 360 degrees by the time we are done. I get shot twice from each angle. There is a buzzing sound for 7-8 seconds and then it repeats. There are metal leaves that shape the radiation rays so sometimes the beam is curved and at different angles. I guess I could have just said at the beginning that it is all highly technical and precise. The radiation goes right where it needs to go and at a pretty low dosage.

They tell me that it will take 2 weeks for the side effects to peak at which time I can expect a sore esophagus and fatigue. It will probably last a week or two after my treatments end. I am slated to go 17 consecutive business days, meaning I'll have my last one on my birthday. What a happy day that will be! They thought I might get nauseous because the radiation gets the top of my stomach but so far so good. I have really enjoyed the past several weeks of feeling good but this will be nothing compared to chemo. Almost to the end!

Life's Too Short - Get a Tattoo

The last week or so has been the best for a very long while. I have felt so much better physically and it has also been a boost to get back to work. Today was a reminder that things are not quite finished. I went to see the radiology oncologist to find out more of the plan for radiation therapy. I talked with the nurse and then the doctor about side effects and long-term concerns. It was much of the same as we talked about back in April. Then they took me to the "Simulation Room."

Essentially they did a dry run of the treatment. They scanned me with a CT machine that had an infrared camera as well to make it a 4D scan. They used the camera to monitor the rise and fall of my chest from breathing. It was all very high tech. The walls and ceiling had laser shining out from them. They used a memory foam device to hold my arms above my head and then took a picture of it so we remember how I held my arms. After the doctor looked at the scan, they made some permanent markings on me so they can line me up the same way each time. So basically I got 3 tattoos, though they are minuscule dots. They put ink over my skin and then poked me with a needle. I have a spot on my breastbone and under each arm. The whole process is very technical and precise which allows them to use less radiation. The doctor will consult with a physicist (basically an applied mathematician) and plan the treatment in detail. I will then go for 17 consecutive business days for the course of treatment.

I don't have an exact start date yet but expect it to be the week of the 12th sometime. Each treatment should take about 20 minutes from walking in and out of the door. And luckily the clinic is only 5 minutes from home. The main side effects will be an inflamed esophagus and fatigue. I don't think it will be as bad as chemo was to deal with. I'll keep you posted but for now I am just enjoying feeling great!

The Magic Words

I had my scan yesterday. It was pushed back from last Thursday but the delay was no problem because I wasn't scheduled to see the doctor until today regardless. The doctor used the words "COMPLETE REMISSION" today when he showed us the results of the scan. What a wonderful relief. The chemotherapy has done its job and I don't have to have any more of it. I am excited about that. We went to dinner to celebrate. With school starting this week, things have been looking up with so many welcome changes. I feel like life has become new and fresh again. It is hard to believe all that has taken place between that first appointment with the oncologist in March through the appointment today, but we made it. I say we because this has been an ordeal not just for me but for my wife Tara who has been with me every step of the way. Also my little Sophie to a certain extent. A huge thanks to all of our visitors and all those friends here close to us for the help they have given us. And the prayers of everyone else have been a significant blessing.

I suppose I shouldn't get too excited. I still have radiation therapy. It has the potential to make me very tired and, because of the location, make my eating tube irritated. But I think that will be more bearable than chemotherapy has been. The next step is to make an appointment with the radiation oncologist and find out what plan he recommends. I'll let you know as soon as I find out. These changes are so great and the last week has been my best week in months. I feel great besides some tingling feet. That should wear off in a few weeks.

Happy Days

I had my blood drawn yesterday and my levels looked good so I was set free from shots. I made the comment to the nurses that I felt better then I have in many weeks. I have bounced back from the chemo and my other issues have resolved so if I can just catch up on sleep I might start to feel close to normal. Tomorrow I'll get scanned but unfortunately my appointment to discuss the results is not until Tuesday afternoon so we'll have to wait. I think that my oncologist will send me over to the radiology oncologist to discuss my radiotherapy plan. It will be nice to have that in place and finally have a firm conclusion date. Stay tuned.